There are a lot of things that I will not mention that overpowers me. I made a post about it about a week ago but it was private. I look back on it and find a lot of it to be true, Some not now. I look at them and can see some are now becoming a problem. Some have already been a problem and have subsided so it is not such a burden to me. We can see how things go for this summer. So if you want to find out all of my innermost personal hauntings and secrets, hack my account.

Back to the previous entry. Relationships.

Relationships to me right now...that is where I left off. Right now, I could care less about having one. I don't have this need to have someone, to tell someone my secrets or be there to hear me rant. It is nice to have someone like that. I do have someone right now. I am thankful for her and appreciate everything she does for me, even the things she doesn't do. I have a few friends that I have dear to me, some know all about me and some things they don't know. There are times when I think about just having sex, throwing all my morals out and just having a one night stand. I know in my heart and my head I cant do that. I cannot just have sex with someone I just met or who I don't know...could be classified as the same thing, except the whole"greeting" part. Right now it doesn't matter but of course that is right now.

I'm really procrastinating on my Child Psych presentation that is due for Monday. I know what I need to do and when I look at it at at the big picture, it doesn't seem like it is too much. It will happen tonight because I have to meet up with my team tomorrow after work and act out our presentation. What I have to do:

• Finish monologue about Anorexia
• Make note cards: Intro to brain, mental-physical illness, puberty.
• Write outlines and make little activity for the students.

I really feel like putting in my two weeks notice for work now. I really do not feel like going back before the semester ends. I always need money though, for the concerts and the trip this summer. Stupid work.

I made a mistake today. Before I left school, I stopped by the gym and worked out for a couple hours. The mistake: Not eating before I did. It may not be a mistake but it certainly didn't help.

• Treadmill: 1 hour - 5.5mph - 211cal
• Bicycle: 15min - 80rpm - 64cal
• Leg lifts, free weights, pull ups: 1 Hour.
  

I was so tired afterwards and went out to a mexican restaurant with my friend Brandi. I ate so fast and felt guilty(it was so good)

I wish I could remember all of the little messages I send people in the morning when I am driving to class. I have a distribution list of people that I text on Mon, Wed, Fri mornings. I send them funny, inspirational, random, etc. some of them are really great. People tell me I should be a motivational speaker or write quotes for companies. Clever. It is very nice to hear. I just wish I could remember some of them I send.

That is all for now. I cannot start my work until later. Reasons you wont understand.

Goodnight.

It has been a few.

My sister is going off to college in the summer. It is this little private school in Florida. Catholic or Christian school, i do not know but it is one of them. The last couple of time I have gone to see my mom, we have gone out to eat and went places together because she doesn't see me as much as she wants to. We talk about my sister leaving and how when she leaves, i'm going to be the one to keep up the stories and little quirks of life(hope you get that). She usually gets all of this from my sister because she is there most of the time, she lives with her so there is constant talk about daily life and jokes about stories she has read or whatever. Here in lies the problem:

I moved out when I was 15. I really didn't want to be a bother to my parents financially or emotionally. I didn't want to rely on them for anything. Even though it is their "duty" to care for you and care about you, i still didn't want it. My mom raised us by herself and I didn't want to burden her any more than I had to. Now that two relationships are over and I am somewhat back "home", I go see my mom when I can. She has said to me many times that she doesn't know what is going on in my life, that I don't share enough. The truth is, I have never shared anything because I got so used to being away from t he family and dealing with my own life. I know it doesn't seem hard to tell your mother about what you are doing in your life but,

1) There really isn't anything going on in my life right now to warrant a good story. I go to school and I go to work. I hang out with my select group of friends and go to coffee shops. It is a very boring life.
2) I don't feel like I am part of that family and what goes on. It is not me being mean like they treat me badly, it is the fact that I hear all of these stories about Reed(mom's squeeze) and Dianna(sister) and inside conversations and I feel like I cant contribute anything. That any little mundane detail I can spout out about what is going on in my life wont compare to what is going on in their lives.

It is the same at my dads house, but most of you already know that story. I will try to include myself in the normal conversations with my mom before my sister leaves but it will be slow. Maybe I can just try to have a more exciting life.

Other than that and a few things that are making me a sad banana, here is the rest of my life.

I ordered my Death Cab tickets finally. It is weird, they have to send them out from the private vendor that they use. $36+$10service+$5shipping. I just have to wait for them to get here. Fall Out Boy I still haven't gotten and probably wont because the next day I have a huge presentation due. Instead, I am trying to find a close section to the NIN/JA tour before the year is out or before they go out of country. Mainly, this will be Trent's last tour(supposedly).

The trip I am making this summer is still undecided but for the past couple of days I have been roaming, searching, pricing and comparing GPS car receivers. I want one just for the fact that if i do need to go somewhere out of town I wont be hassled with paper maps and second guessing about a turn. It will be easy enough to have that little box and a somewhat attractive voice telling me to turn where I need to. I'm not lazy. Just a nerd. I have always wanted one also. When I make trips out of state to concerts or visiting friends or colleges, it will be easy and interactive. Enough about that.

Something interesting happened last night though. Michele and I went to the casino to play around. We played a couple machines and one of her twenties didn't register with one of the machines. She asked me to take it up there and try to exchange it. When they looked at it, they found it to be counterfeit. They had to call security have them look at it. After a while they brought us into the dark unknown of the casino and made us sit in this small room with really comfy chairs. Policemen showed up and got our information. They thought we intentionally tried to pass fake money through. The thing that made this night "fun" was that Michele: Works at wal-mart, works as a cashier, works in the money center and didn't realize it was fake. They didn't charge us.

List updates:

• Music: New Death Cab CD, 3OH!3, Stereo Skyline. T.I. new mixtape The Redemtion, Lil Wayne's new rock album. Waiting for Rediscover and Owl City's new cds to emerge. Not much else in the music scene.
• Still being sued.
• Both job interviews didn't work out.
• Daughter's numbers given to me by their mothers.
• School is ok.
• Work is work.

I really do not know much else to say pertaining to what I want to put in this entry. Maybe Ill think of some things later on.

I am sitting at the coffee shop again. I dont know why but this is the place where I seem to update the most. I guess I always come here when I have even the smallest bit of free time. Tonight I had some hot green tea and a home made St. Patrick's Day cookie. It was soft and kind of fluffy. Nice.

I put some of the poetry that I wrote in the past three days on my dA and I know for a fact, I am not liking the new Facebook setup. I got the Twitter app for my Sexy-T and have been on it like crazy. It is just nice to have people follow me, lol.

I am seriously procrastinating on buying my Fall Out Boy and Death Cab For Cutie tickets. I think I will order them on Wednesday after I get paid and get money from being an S/A.

Because I really dont want to write out meaningless stuff; more than I already did, I am going to put into everything that has happened since Feb. to now in list form.

• Andrew Bird concert was amazing
• Job interviews at Hancock Bank + Old Navy
• Fall Out Boy+Death Cab concert.
• Summer trip to Virginia(maybe).
• New kind of-sort of relationship, I dont know about.
• Still being sued.
• New pens :)
• Sucking at song writing.
• Broken zippers on new pants.
• Apparently being an Introvert.
• I weigh 175lbs
• <~~~~that is a bullet, hehe.

Good evening everyone.